The Next Thing

Grief is really effing weird, I tell ya.

I thought I processed everything, but then some weird stuff sneak attacks me. 

Like crying in the grocery store every time I enter one.  

Or only wearing all black. 

Or introducing myself as Jae to new people, possibly as a way to create distance. Maybe as a way to reshape my identity. Haven't quite figured it out yet.

I don't think I'm actually doing as well as I think I am. I kept cycling through the stages of grief to be able to do The Next Thing:

funeral prep,

actual funeral,

cremation,

packing up her apartment,

finally turning in the keys to said apartment,

But I'm at a point where there is no Next Thing, it's just the rest of my life. How do I process that?